rantlust

Posted by riyer on May 22nd 2008 in Humor, India, News, Politics, Travel
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I figured that this story deserved a spoof - Here is my version of the same story.

American, Cutting Back, Plans $15 Pants Fee

Published: May 22, 2008
There’s an old saying about the best way to travel: bring half the clothes and twice the money.

Now may be the time to take that advice to heart and you had better not be Indian or Chinese.

American Airlines said Wednesday that it would soon start charging passengers for the clothes and shoes that they wear. $10 for cotton pants ($15 for Jeans) and $5 for Shirts ($7 for full-sleeved shirts). Additionally, American will charge $5 per shoe ($10 if they are hiking shoes) - if they are flying on a discounted fare. Asked why they charge per shoe and not for a pair of shoes, an American spokesperson said that as per the Americans with Disabilities Act, such pricing would be discriminatory.

The airline’s new policy — to take effect July15 — comes only weeks after many major carriers, including American, began charging $15 each way for checked baggage,

The new fee is just the latest example of airlines adding charges on top of rising airfares, even at the risk of angering travelers further, to make up for the billions of dollars they are losing as fuel prices soar. In an effort to reduce the weight and consequent fuel consumption, airlines continue to explore ways to reduce the weight and the clothes we wear are the latest target.

“It’s only going to get worse and worse,” said Laura Glading, president of the Association of Professional Flight Attendants, which represents employees at American. “Flight attendants are not trained to distinguish between running shoes and hiking shoes, and what if passengers decide not to wear any clothes so as not to pay the fee” said Glading?

American Airlines executives said they had little choice but to impose such fees, given that the price of jet fuel is up more than 80 percent from a year ago.

Airline industry losses could top $7.2 billion in 2008, Jamie Baker, an analyst with JPMorgan Chase, estimated this week. Airline shares were battered Wednesday, as oil surged to a record $133.17 a barrel. Stock in American’s parent company fell 24.2 percent, to $6.22 a share.

In another development, several airlines are considering charging Indians and Chinese an extra fee - because India and China are being blamed for soaring oil prices. The rise in global oil and food prices are being blamed on demand from India and China. Last week President Geroge W. Bush blamed the demand for food with higher nutrition among Indians as the reason for 9% inflation in food prices in the US.

In a surprising move American announced that for every snack purchased by a non-Indian and non-Chinese passenger, Indian and Chinese passengers on board will be assessed an extra fee.”We are looking for every opportunity to change our cost-structure and even President George Bush has said that food prices are rising because of increased demand in India and China, so it is only appropriate that we pass the price of food consumed by average Americans to the average Indian or Chinese.

“Our company and industry simply cannot afford to sit by hoping for industry and market conditions to improve,” American’s chief executive, Gerard J. Arpey, said Wednesday at a shareholder meeting.

To cut costs, the company also said Wednesday that it would eliminate toilet paper and running water from toilets. “The weight of toilet paper and water adds several hundred pounds to the gross weight of an airplane - this move is expected to save $5000 per year and increase share holder value” said Mr Arpey.

American is also considering charging access fees to toilets for discount fare passengers. Robert Harrell, an industry consultant, estimated that as many as 40 million American passengers could be subject to the new toilet access fee. American carries about 98 million travelers a year. With an average of 100 toilet access per flight, at $1 per toilet access this move could potentially net upwards of $40 million per year. “Each passenger will get a cup of water and 3 sheets of toilet paper and 5 minutes of access to the toilet” said Mr Arpey

Asked whether the Toilet paper charge will be arbitrarily passed on to fellow Indian and Chinese passengers, Mr Arpey said “No. We understand that they don’t use toilet paper in India and China, so we can’t charge them for that”