Dividing by Zero
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I love martial arts movies. I love the silliness, the soaring fights, and the personalities in them. I even love the accented speech. Apart from the Hong Kong superstars of this genre, I actually like Chuck Norris. The man may be a hardcore republican but I don’t care. Norris is a cult phenomenon on the Internet. I frequently search for a Chuck Norris fact. Here are some of my favourites:
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
- Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile
- Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
- Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero
How can you not like a guy like this?
The talk show host Conan O’Brian have many times used Chuck Norris clips which makes no sense to keep folks awake on his 00:30 am show.
The South Indian version of Chuck Norris is called Rajanikant. There are lot of jokes floating around about his abilities to defy laws of physics just like Chuck Norris. You could essentially replace Rajanikant by any such actor in the following internet joke.
Recently Newton, the Father of physics made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few movies and was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movie starring Rajanikant, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:
This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last Time and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics.
Newton commits Suicide.
With which gun? The one in the air, or the one in Rajni’s hands?
Another Chuck Norris fact which I had mentioned elsewhere:
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, Chuck Norris would win.
Ha ha ha. Good one reneejo.
You better not dislike Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris irons his own pants … while wearing them.
When Chuck Norris shadow boxes, the shadow loses.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the Big in Big Bang.
If a tree fell in the forest, and there was no one around to hear it, Chuck Norris would still kick your ass.
How did the dinosaurs die out? Yup, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the c in E=mc2
Chuck Norris eats a whole village as an appetizer.
Chuck Norris’ beard has its own weather system.
When Chuck Norris cracks a joke, you laugh as hard as you can.
CNN = Chuck Norris News. What, you got a problem with that??!! Chuck doesn’t, so you don’t either.
somewhere in my memory I knew I had experienced a thread like this before… it’s hunting me… fate…
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
When Chuck Norris cracks a joke, it stays cracked.
Things not to do around Chuck Norris:
* Never make eye contact with Chuck Norris
* Never ask Chuck Norris about his Mama
* On a hunting trip with Chuck Norris, always stay downwind of Chuck Norris (same with Dick Cheney)
* Never take on Chuck Norris in open thermonuclear conflict
* Never shout ’shotgun’ on Chuck Norris
* Never steal the last cookie from Chuck Norris
* Never mention Bruce Lee in front of Chuck Norris
Never depict Chuck Norris in cartoons.
..and don’t even try to chuck Norris
Chuck Norris eats box jellyfishes for breakfast… with blood.
Chuck Norris has a seat on the UN security council.
Chuck Norris IS the UN Security Council.
Chuck Norris was sitting in a chemistry lecture. The professor called on Chuck while he wasn’t paying attention to go to the board and write a formula which was, obviously, scientifically unfounded. So Chuck roundhouse kicked the fucking beakers
Chuck Norris doesn’t take no for an answer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take yes for an answer.
Chuck Norris takes whatever answer he wants.
And don’t question that. (Really, don’t.)
Chuck Norris didn’t sign the Nuclear Non-proliferation treaty.
Chuck Norris tests his nuclear weapons on an atoll in the South Pacific.
Chuck Norris can shoot Dick Cheney.
Chuck Norris kicks Dick Cheney’s bullets back at him.
The Grim Reaper appeared to Chuck Norris in a dream once, to ask him for his life. Most folks would of course been perfectly petrified except for tears would run down freely. As soon as Chuck realized that the dream was only a dream, he was able to do anything - and he roundhouse kicked Death with enough force that it ripped a hole through reality. This is why Halloween is real not just some sort of ‘festival’
Chuck Norris lives inside the San Andreas Fault and has a vacation home with a lava hot-tub inside Mt. St. Helens.
Chuck Norris is the “I” in “Team”
Big Bang was one of Chuck’s little farts
Ask not what your country will do for you, but what your country can do for Chuck Norris.
This discussion is getting insane but can’t stop it or else Chuck will get angry.
Once, on a full moon night, a Chuck Norris sneeze scared a werewolf into a man.
Dogs worship Chuck Norris … they call their fire hydrant leg action “the Chuck Norris way”
Chuck Norris’s little fart caused the universe to grow from the size of a marble to a volume larger than all of observable space in less than a trillion-trillionth of a second.
Iran and US resolve differences over uranium enrichment - Iran to get Chuck Norris.
Rummy announces that instead of sending more troops to Iraq, he has ordered 10,000 posters of Chuck Norris.
In the python vs. alligator celebrity death match, Chuck Norris will win.
Chuck Norris does not build bridges, he leaps over rivers.
[...] There are some things that Global Warming hasn’t yet managed to do. I would prioritise getting a version of God, or final prophet or something of the kind. The Prophet Al Gore (PBUH) notwithstanding, there’s much to be said for defining an incontrovertible godhead. What you need is someone whose legend is truly supersize. Someone who has no par, cannot be equalled, much less beaten. Perhaps Chuck Norris can be tempted. [...]
Give 1000 type writers to 1000 Tolstoys and give them 1000 years. They will eventually write Chuck Norris story.
There is no education in the second kick of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sing a groupsong by himself.
How do you make a Chuck Norris statue? Just cut away the wood that does not look like Chuck Norris.