Doting Husbands
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Japanese men are known for their workaholic ways. In fact, their devotion to work is so much that losing a job is a terrible loss of face and often results in extreme measures such as suicide. The married ones often end up neglecting their wives in the process. This is about to change. Some men got together and formed the Nihon Aisaika Kyokai or the ‘Japan Doting Husbands Association’.
Today is being designated as the ‘Beloved Wives Day’ by this jolly troupe. Their goal for the day is to head home early (by 8pm) and spend quality time with the wives and tell them how much they are appreciated. Maybe this day should be adopted worldwide. (I know Valentine’s day is around the corner but that’s all about greeting card and chocolate manufacturers, isn’t it?)
This may be a slanted personal view on Japanese society but aren’t they still very male-dominated despite their great economic and social advancements? The extremes that Japanese men will go to (suicide) is more a reflection of their great loss of face in front of other men rather than their own wives and family. Probably explains why they need to form an association to overcome deepseated cultural tendencies and treat their wives and families on a more even footing.
I can’t agree more. This is one of the most over-hyped Hallmark driven holidays of the year. My wife and I purposely avoid doing anything on that day. An anniversary or birthday is much more important to us.
Totally agree. If there is one day in the entire year that we do not head out to a restaurant, this is it. You shouldn’t have to wait for an arbitrary date (that basically some card/chocolate/flower company designates) in the calendar year to express your love for someone, with a lot of money spent. It is absolutely ridiculous how these restaurants and flower shops raise prices on everything “for the special day” and cash in on all the hype. Welcome to capitalism baby.
Japanese men might be known for their long work hours, or going home late; however, even their wives and society in general expect this. Japanese men don’t necessarily work late. Even if they leave work on time, they will go to bars to socialize with other colleagues or bosses, or sometimes just by themselves. Why? Because it looks bad on the men and their wives. If a man goes home early, the wife and the neighbors will think he is not very important at work. He has not much to do in the office necessarily.
Both these comments refer to classic ‘high context’ behavior. In sociological terms many eastern societies are dubbed as ‘high context’ i.e. how others percieve us is equal or more important than how we perceive ourselves. Very hard to change, unless you form an association and get the association to be revered enough for others to emulate its members.
Here is a good essay on context & cultural differences. The comments from Amy Tan and the Carter anecdote are interesting.
Interesting observation, eugenia. I never thought of it that way.
If there was one thing that stood out in my living several years in conservative Trivandrum, it was the high context social behavior that you talk about. I hated it because everything I did or said was judged on how far I would stray from the accepted middle-of-the-road line that the entire herd was expected to follow. One of the reasons I made so many trips to Bangalore when it was vacation time was precisely to be able to escape these social limitations. I’ll always be fond of Bangalore for just that reason (even if it has lost a lot of old charm with overdevelopment now).
However, every time I visit Kerala now, I am struck by how much things have changed (for the better IMO). People are a lot less rigid now about social behavior than when I had lived there. Hey I walked around Statue (downtown center of Trivandrum) in shorts and t-shirt one evening last year and nobody even did any double-taking or made any sarcastic remarks. A major sign of progress I think!
Talking about a “high context experience” - The first time I visited my grand parents in their village near Madurai, wearing trousers and t-shirt, kids threw pebbles at me - the custom was to wear a ‘veghshti’ (i.e. dhoti) - which I never learnt to wear comfortably.
So taking this argument and logically extending it, all the people passing judgement are the women because all their men are hiding away in bars afraid to be back home early in shame. Nice conspiracy which the men have devised as an excuse to go out drinking every evening after work. They may even take in some pub trivia while they’re at it.
Similar experience in my home in India (which is in a village). I was chillin’ at home wearing shorts, and my dad’s cousin walks in. On seeing me, he asks ‘Are you exercising’?