Moscow, the Village
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Moscow is the name of a small village in Kerala, India. I had never heard of it until today. Kerala is one of two states in India with the strongest backing for Communism (in the democratic sense) and was the first place to elect a communist government in the world. So, it is with no surprise that I read an article in the BBC about a get-together of Keralites with Soviet names. Though none of my friends are named thus, I have known (or heard of) a couple of Stalins and Lenins while growing up.
It is amusing to read of the Gagarins and Tereshkovas thriving much after the walls came down in Eastern Europe. Kerala still has a strong Communist party that takes turns in power every other election. (Keralites are very finicky politically and get tired of one party [or coalition] after each term.) Fortunately, names such as Brezhnev and Andropov are not very popular these days. The funniest names I have come across in Kerala are not Russian; a high school Chemistry teacher named his daughters Chlorine and Iodine. Go figure.
Another person I came across in our college in Kerala was Betnesol, named for the drug which supposedly came to his rescue in childhood.
My wife’s brother in law is one of six siblings - 5 boys and a youngest girl. Their names begin with A, E, I, O, U and U (relevant to the Russian theme, I stands for Ivan).
Another story (can’t vouch for it’s veracity, though) is of three brothers named Ajith, Bijith and Cijith. The common question they were asked was, ‘Where is your younger brother Digit?”.
This reminds me of the song “A boy named Sue” by Johnny Cash. I wonder if the people named Betnesol, Iodine and Chlorine turned out the way Sue did. How cruel can their parents be?
My classmate Alpha had a sister named Beta. Their father was a physics teacher. The worst was a kid in school named Brilliant Kurian.
Apologies on pasting this “email joke” here but it’s quite apt.
How to name your kids as if you were a Mallu (Malayalee) Christian
It has been a well kept secret for eons, shrouded in mystery and mazes of deceit, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville, near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish this classified Mallu formula, on the naming of Mallu christian kids.
1. Select a combination of both the mother and fathers names. Eg: Suresh and Sharon = Susha or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.
2. The addition of a ‘mon’ (meaning son) or ‘mol’ (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Robison
3. To attach a modern anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.
4. For the politically correct Malayalee family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal ‘kutty’(child), which can be used for both boys and girls! Eg: Jokutty, Susikutty
Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. Eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn’t even sound like a name) or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff !!!), then
a. Use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.
b. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene
c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar ! Use one that even velliammachi can pronounce !) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew, or Jijo !
d. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn’t. Eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, JustinTimberlake etc.
Note: The use of the letter ‘j’ is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. Eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo
I think Johnny Cash would have had many more songs to write if he had been to Kerala. Sue for a boy seems so lame compared to the likes of Prussy and Titty.
Thanks, Crewcut. One good laugh to start the day! I never realized the arcane reasoning behind such names. The algorithm you’ve outlined would explain the names of two kids (brothers) I once met: Lablu and Shablu.
And here’s a set of siblings, the eldest of whom went to school with my sister: Mablet, Jesslet (both girls; probably petite, my guess), and their brothers Loy, Tello and Radhakrishnan. Who can make this shit up?
Note: for the non Malaylalee readers out there, velliammachi means grandma. And yes, stuff like this really happens.
I find this particularly idiotic, as it seems to embody the common parental conceit that offspring are the sum of their parents, rather than individuals in their own right.
How many of these funny sounding names are nicknames rather than real names? I know a lot of Indians have nicknames that are completely different from their real names. Hence the question.
You are right - in the case of Malayalee Christians, the names could be nicknames (they may actually have official ‘Christian’ names), but very often the person’s nickname sticks. As is the case with me. ‘Vinod’ happens to be my nickname. Nobody calls me by my ‘Christian’ name, however. Its all very confusing
Many of these are not nicknames. It’s fine to have a nickname like Vinod if your real name is Kuriakose or Varghese. There’s a guy I know whose nickname is Manu and whose real name is Jiju.
Here are some of my favourites (real names!):
Sissy - her mom-in-law had the smarts to change it to Susan
Lovesea - usually pronounced as “Lousy”
Titti - very common name
Dinto and his sister Dincy
Jilu and her daughter Shalita - One elderly uncle once got their names mixed up and said, “Hello Gillette?”… isn’t that an interesting possibility?
At a friend’s wedding, she was introducing us to her brothers and cousins, “This is Jino, Jiji, Johnny, Jipu, Tino, Jojo, Jicku, Tijo… and this is our dog, George Varghese Tharackan.”
There are quite a few Russian names that were inspired by the communist propaganda, especially popular during Stalin era. Odd names such as Traktorina (to commemorate tractors!), Oktyabrina (to commemorate October Revolution), Vilena (for V. Lenin), Ninel (Lenin spelled backwards) come to mind.
Now the celebs here are also doing their part to add to the list of ridiculous names and make their children’s lives even more miserable with names like Apple or Coco.
Sad. As papi says, “Who can make this shit up?”
And these are the same celebs who went through days of thinking how to change their own (mostly respectable) names to their current screen names. Speaking of Apple, some comedian said the other day, that he saw Gwyneth in a farmer’s market looking at all the fruits to pick a name for the upcoming child.
My vote goes to arugula.
This is completely nuts. Here I thought my dad was picky when he decided that the name ‘Ranganathan’ my maternal grandparents gave me was unacceptable and changed it to Ravi.
BTW: The ex Chief Minister (= to Governor in US terms) of the state of Tamil Nadu Mr. Karunanidhi named his son Stalin. Stalin actually won a state representative seat from the then Madras port constituency.
God did I laugh when I read this old post … I missed out on the postings from the last several months but anyways …
Vinod, I can vouch for this story because I used to live next door to this guy when we were doing our undergrad in TVM and hey, I was the one who told you about the legend behind the name.
I told you about these brothers, the youngest of whom (Cijit) when to boarding school with someone I know very well.
The news is that terrible name giving (which really ought to lead to some choice name calling on the name givers IMO) is not a uniquely Kerala phenomenon … Old groaner: What do you call an unbelievably amazing Malayali? PhenoMENON … Mallus have have just elevated it to an abstract obscure science that is streets ahead of name giving in most other parts of India.
I have some Venezuelan friends who once told me about how some lower income members of Venezuelan society are known to name their kids after things American and my friends found it embarrassing (which I mitigated instantly by telling them about names in Kerala). Anyway some names that were on offer, pronounced: “Oos-Mayil” (US Mail) and “Oos-Nahvee” (US Navy).
I grew up in Samoa (formerly Western Samoa) where Samoans also had a very acceptable knack for coming up with interesting names, often a Samoanization of a English word that had some significance at the time the baby was born. Pelepesite a friend of my brother’s, was born at a time a plebescite was going on. When I was a kid, the Public Servants Association and Public Service Commission (two govt sector employee organizations) went on strike and wouldn’t you know it that when some twins were born at the time, they were named PSA and PSC. It made the newspaper headlines.
I do have to say that most of the Mallu people of my generation (some of whom are victims of the grave name injustice) have adopted saner names for their kids and I’ve noticed an interesting spike in Western names … Jonathan, Eric, Nigel, Euan, Jeremy … all names of Mallu kids of the next generation whom I personally know.
I also see a penchant for choosing “international” names among friends of mine — some of whom are in interracial relationships. The names are not specific to one country or the other but rather prevalent in many countries and cultures. I won’t mention the names here because most of these people had kids last month (no, I am not exaggerating).
Having needed the use of a defribillator after passing out from laughter, I just wanted to add my two penn’orth re John’s point about name-giving in other cultures: many, many Punjabi girls of my generation were named Dimple, Twinkle or even (shudder) Pinkie. The absolute worst name however, is reserved for a poor, burdened 7-year old I once had to teach (I’m sure she’s now in advanced psychoanalysis): Jannital. Enough said.
Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry can’t remember, for the life of himself, the name of the girl he is currently dating. All he can knows is that it rhymes with a part of the female anatomy. He tries discreetly calling her Mulva and other names while at the same time not letting her know he doesn’t remember her name. Her real name was Dolores. Hopefully Jannital has changed her name to Jan or something … or has moved to part of the world where this name has no consequence to the local lingo. I do wonder how you kept a straight face while teaching her.
Does Jannital mean anything in Punjabi (assuming she was Punjabi)? If she was named thus in a place where the word actually means something, then it should be okay, shouldn’t it?
Although I’m sure it must have meant something in Gujerati (which she was), I thought it safer not to draw attention to it by asking. This is because it was in London and despite the fact that there were a number of Gujerati girls in the school, many other ethnicities were also represented. Somehow, I don’t think they’d have been interested in the symbolism/meaning behind it…
And as for the straight face…it comes from sitting through all those interminable Onam celebrations as a kid, you know the ones, where some little ‘cutie’ has decided to grace the audience with renditions of the latest Mallu film songs. My mum got RSI from elbowing me into solemnity but it worked, bless her.
How about the good old family in Chengannur with kids called Aena, Beena, Ceena, Deena and Eena?
However, I am not one to talk, when people hear that my two sons are called Reuben and Simeon, they promptly ask me when the other 10 sons are expected. (In the Bible, Jacob had 12 sons and R & S are the oldest two).
But in terms of translating names into English and in the Samoan context, my personal favourites are “Leumalealofa” (which means Endless Love) and “Peavaeono” (Bat with six legs).
Or you could make it easier on yourself and stop at seven with sons T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z.
Pea-vae-ono! I’ve forgotten such classics!
Recently met a guy who’s name translates into “Dear Son Sal” but in English it was “Salmon”
Oh, yes, let’s not forget the very common Indian surname of “Dikshit”.
@jhon-wow….we are three bros.. ajith, bijith n cijith.(luckly ma official name is rohit).i thought we where the only one …would love to meet the other three!!..:)